So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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