nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
