I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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