Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
