I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
