Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
