Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
