Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
