in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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