It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
