About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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