he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
