Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
