i permit you to call me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
