watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
