tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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