I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
