Please, let me fuck your mom
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
