last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
