When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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