Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
