i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
