you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
