Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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