No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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