im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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