I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
