Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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