I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
