i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
