these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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