this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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