can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
