Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
