I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
