the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
