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home. puking in laundry basket.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
