Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
