so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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