you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
