Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
