my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
