I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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