So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
