didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
