Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
