apparently the secret to your success is patron
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
