If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She said her name was "party"
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
