Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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