I wish my penis had an off switch
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
