I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sext me about skeletons
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
